Tolerance is the issue that we in the world live with, if somebody does something, then we must, WE MUST tolerate what they are doing. Just so they don't have hard feelings later and they can feel included in the world of peace and love.. It's all just a masked that we put on our faces when we go out of the house, we all wear them, some are new while other are faded, cracked from the use.
Where does tolerance end in our society as an whole? Will it ever end? Does that mean my opinion doesn't, shouldn't matter others? If it doesn't matter, does that mean I become rejected? And if I become rejected, does that mean I am silenced by the majority, or minority that wanted to do something about my opinion in the first place?
Opinion is never fact, it's an idea, an assumption on how life is, or how we perceive something, some people have very strong opinions and that's okay.. But it's how we use them to beat other people over the head, especially we few that are tired of listening to whoever comes on and spouts out what they believe is right or wrong. It can be annoying, it can be degrading, it can inflict wounds that are deep or can be brushed right off.
We few that see the world in such a chaotic state are discouraged, disheartened, and the feelings that are associated with them are never really sure where to stand. Should I stand here, should I stand there? What if I don't want to stand at all? What if I agree with both sides of the issue and just want them to stop bickering and fighting and just try to let them see that they are different but it doesn't have to boil down to bullying and name calling..
I have to deal with that every day that I talk to people, opinions on who does this better, who does that better, where do I stand with this issue or that issue. I'm done! I'm tired of all that just adding to the personal turmoils that I still deal with an a day to day basis. I'm not perfect, I'm not the best at one thing or another, all I want to be is not alone in this world.
But the world wants opinions that are facts, ideals to be maintained, it's own laws on how to live amongst everyone and where to go in life.. What is a life that doesn't bring happiness and only pain exists because you are balancing and juggling so many things? For me, I juggle on where I should even step with people, feeling like if I make this one mistake I will be seen as a fake, they will see my mask and laugh at me for what I am going through.
"Depression? Dude, just shake it off, it'll go away eventually."
But it hasn't..
"Really? Grow up already! Get with the program!"
But I keep trying..
"Crybaby! What, you just cry yourself to sleep every night?"
No, I'm afraid to fall asleep..
"Depression isn't real, it's all in your mind. Make a positive mindset and things will look up."
Then why does it all keep falling down around me?
"You're just faking it for attention."
I wish it was just fake..
There are many masks in the world, and we all wear them, some more then others, and it doesn't matter with race, with size, with gender, with equality for all.. We are all different, we are all hurting in one way or another and we all lash out in one way or another! I don't want to lash out, I don't want to hurt those closest to me so I wear my mask!
I wear with nothing else to back me up because inside I feel even more alone and afraid then I was before! I smile because I don't want to frown! I laugh so that I don't cry! I reach out because I don't want to be alone.. And the pain never seems to go away, ever. It lessens to a point, and when I think that maybe things are actually up, and I can allow myself to be happy, it comes back, stronger and more painful than before. And I don't know what to do about it.. So I write my thoughts here in hopes that someone sees them and can find solace that they aren't alone, that they aren't alone in their struggles to make sense of this life that they live, that if they just fight for as long as they can, the dark can possibly go away and the light at the end of the tunnel comes..
Please, please, please try not to give up like those before us who couldn't take it anymore, and had to end it all so that their demons could be silenced once and for all. It's hard, I know it is, and I feel just as lost as you, and I don't know what to either but to try and survive for one more day. If I can survive for one more day, then possibly it will all get better, if I can get past this darkness that is swallowing me alive, I can make it..
So fight, survive, do whatever you have to do in order to become a survivor and tell others what we go through, that we aren't faking it, that we fight every, single, damn day and cope by escaping into a world where we don't feel judged! Where we don't have to put on a mask and lie to those around us! Where we can just feel for once that we can make it before seeing the reality of our situations and end it all! We few that fake laughs so that we don't cry, smile so that we don't frown, and do whatever it takes so that we don't feel alone..
The edge looks close tonight, and I can hear the voices telling me to jump.. and all I can do is try and drown them out music, or a movie, or something so that I don't give up and surrender and say. "Yes.. I don't want to hurt anymore." And jump off, and smile knowing that it will all end and I won't suffer inside of this mask anymore..
No comments:
Post a Comment